My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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