and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Randomize
