If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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