That's intense
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
