Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
