whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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