I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
