"it" just moved
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
