i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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