Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
