I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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