i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
