I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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