someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have already put on my inside pants.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
