My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
