there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
splinters make it hard to masturbate
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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