the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
