Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
