i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
