Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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