ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
