Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
