Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
