I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
