You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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