It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
