i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
