this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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