We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
