: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
