it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
