I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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