Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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