the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize