Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
