I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
