dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
