Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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