My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
