Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
