OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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