Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
