life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wish you could order shots online.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
