I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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