Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
is it fun? or sober?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
