I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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