PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
