she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
