Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
