I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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