I want to stick my p in your. b.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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