My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
