Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I need to sanitize my soul.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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