Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
