Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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