I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I think my moral compass just broke
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
