So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
