Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
True strength comes from lack of pants
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
