I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
