she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
