i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
