alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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