I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
