Buhtt sex?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
