just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
