But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
