"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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