Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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