We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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