Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we're making bets on your personal life
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
