New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
